About Scattered Brain Matter

I started this blog to be able to post my writing up for the world to see. Obviously it hasn't really gone that far, but there are the few that do read this. I keep it up because it's a good outlet for my own mind and my writing. I hope that if you are reading, you enjoy.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Where does it all go?

“Where was the magic when you needed it most?”

I feel so stupid lately. No job, not much of a love life, and this constant emptiness, or void somewhere inside of me. So where does it all go? When I repress, and make myself smile towards the faces of the world that I live in? Who am I smiling for? Family? Friends…probably for my own sanity…that sounds like a good thing to keep in tumultuous times.

Tumultuous, that word doesn’t come out of my mouth often…but when it does, I suppose it’s needed. Something as simple as living and being is so complicated now. I understand so little of what goes on around me on the deeper levels in which I used to. Everything is so 2 dimensional…a flat land of flat things and people. It needs the life and sense brought back into it if I’m to keep going like this and allow myself to move on.

Stupid money making the world go round…I understand that it does and yet it plays such a small part in happiness, but I doubt I would be happy with no means to talk to or see people that I love and care deeply for. Not eating or having a place to live would also hurt my standards as a human being as well, or cause them to stop quite suddenly.

Myself and I need a reconnect. I tried a weekend without friends and I was just angry at the people that I had no choice but to surround myself with in their place. I hooked up with ‘old’ friends who I’d lost touch with and yet it left me feeling lost and scared. More than enough weight burdens my shoulders, but I need to be strong enough to bare it for the people that mean the most to me, even if they never know that I do.


You best behave.
Lady, I don’t behave for my parents…
But your parents wouldn’t slip poisonous snakes into your bed…while you were sleeping.

Where are my snakes hiding and where did the bitch go with the basket to keep them out of my way??