About Scattered Brain Matter

I started this blog to be able to post my writing up for the world to see. Obviously it hasn't really gone that far, but there are the few that do read this. I keep it up because it's a good outlet for my own mind and my writing. I hope that if you are reading, you enjoy.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tis The Season


It’s been a while. This needed to be updated. Life? Love? Money?

All that and more.

Life, is good. I’ve got the best family anyone could ever ask for and a group of friends to die for. I’m surrounded by love on all fronts and it’s just like a blanket. Sometimes my foot will slid out and I’ll get chilly, but I always manage to pull it back in and warm up again. I feel like I can go through cycles of friends too, but I always come back to the true friends, the ones that never fade away and who remain vigilant, even when I’m stupid and wrong.

Love, is bliss. I have met a wonderful man, who on all fronts of the spectrum is great! He’s accomplished in his life, has great friends and a loving family (whom I like). He has a sense of humor that is unfathomable and limitless. We have conversations that could go on for hours and we can just sit and enjoy each others company. It really is something that I’ve never found before. No matter how many times I’ve said that; Jon is truly one in a million.

I’ve finally found a job/organization that I could be content at for the rest of my life. The Robert F. Kennedy Children’s Action Corps. has to be one of the most interesting and intriguing organizations that I’ve ever come across. It allows children who have made mistakes and committed crimes to have a second chance and to make amends or pay for what they’ve done. It’s not an easy job, I’m basically a baby sitter for 11-21 year olds, but the money is good and it’s a job. If anything I want to continue to work for this organization for a long while.

I suppose this is it for now, since I have things to do, but I will be updating more often and even throwing in a picture blog once a week.


As always



Friday, August 6, 2010

Where does it all go?

“Where was the magic when you needed it most?”

I feel so stupid lately. No job, not much of a love life, and this constant emptiness, or void somewhere inside of me. So where does it all go? When I repress, and make myself smile towards the faces of the world that I live in? Who am I smiling for? Family? Friends…probably for my own sanity…that sounds like a good thing to keep in tumultuous times.

Tumultuous, that word doesn’t come out of my mouth often…but when it does, I suppose it’s needed. Something as simple as living and being is so complicated now. I understand so little of what goes on around me on the deeper levels in which I used to. Everything is so 2 dimensional…a flat land of flat things and people. It needs the life and sense brought back into it if I’m to keep going like this and allow myself to move on.

Stupid money making the world go round…I understand that it does and yet it plays such a small part in happiness, but I doubt I would be happy with no means to talk to or see people that I love and care deeply for. Not eating or having a place to live would also hurt my standards as a human being as well, or cause them to stop quite suddenly.

Myself and I need a reconnect. I tried a weekend without friends and I was just angry at the people that I had no choice but to surround myself with in their place. I hooked up with ‘old’ friends who I’d lost touch with and yet it left me feeling lost and scared. More than enough weight burdens my shoulders, but I need to be strong enough to bare it for the people that mean the most to me, even if they never know that I do.


You best behave.
Lady, I don’t behave for my parents…
But your parents wouldn’t slip poisonous snakes into your bed…while you were sleeping.

Where are my snakes hiding and where did the bitch go with the basket to keep them out of my way??

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I woke up on the third day of The Rain. It hadn’t stopped for three days straight. We all weren’t sure if it was ever going to stop. I pulled on some jeans and sighed, staring out the window. The water level in the neighbor’s pool had started to rise, the river in the backyard was getting closer to flooding.
“Glad I bought those Wellington’s in New York…” I muttered as I found a thick sweatshirt. My room was cleaner than normal, the rain had flooded the restaurant I worked at, so I didn’t have to work. No money meant not much to do, but it also meant a lot more free time.
I grabbed my rain coat off of the hook on my wall and pulled on my boots. It was a cold rain and I wasn’t looking forward to sloshing through it to get to my car. It was always running about 2 inches deep now, since yesterday when the drains started getting clogged. We had put hay up around our doors and the basement and garage. It didn’t help much, what with the water coming down from the road and up from the river…and our house stuck in the middle.

Anatomy Class or Party Night?

Have you ever wondered..."What if I went to medical school? I'd be making thousands more than I do!"
Well...you're right. In an article I just read on MSN.com they were talking about the top 10 best paying jobs in America.
9 out of the 10 are in the medical field. Each profession being in their own field and only being trumped out by one corportate job; CEO's.
A surgeon makes an average of $219, 770 per year. That's almost 6 times what I make now, and almost 10 times as much as I would have made had I stayed in the restuarant industry.

The article goes into talking about the break down of salaries and uses data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics' Occupational Employment and Wage Estimates from May 2009. It claims that the reason for such a high salary in the medical field is because of the cost of education and malpractice insurance for those with the PhD's.

Understandably...I only came out of a 4 year college with about $30,000 in debt, which is probably about a year of medical school. There are some us who were not blessed with the mind for medicine and shouldn't we be alright with the fact that we're paying people who were properly trained to do what they do?

Top medical jobs being:

Oral/Maxillofacial Surgeons

I think we can be ok with these people getting the correct and proper educations and then getting paid to do what they do. Messing with people's teeth, making people feel no pain during painful and hard surgeries, DOING the surgeries and making sure that a woman's in's and out's are working are pretty hard jobs; in my opinion.

A good quote from the article itself: "In operating rooms across the country, surgeons earn an average of $105.66 an hour. Maybe there are worse things in life after all than taking organic chemistry and being on overnight call." (Coster 1)

We then look at the bottom end of the spectrum. The food industry. Coming from personal experience, it really takes the right kind of person to work in this business. You need to be hard to the fact that money is not something that comes by easy, with a degree or knowing people. You work hard, long hours and you bust your butt for minimum wage, or if you're a waitress or waiter, far below minimum wage. The average server gets $2.71 an hour, plus tips. With the current economy though...who really goes out to eat any more? Or often? It's something that will eventually damage the server's world and really put a dent in the way the US populace sees dining out.

The average food service worker (cook, dishwasher, dining room/caf attendants) makes about $18,120/year. Granted they're not paying for school like a doctor would be, but they do need to make a living. A gynocologist or anesthesiologist can pay up to 6 digits a year in medical malpractice premiums! A food service worker needs to only worry about covering themselves and a family.

Fun Fact: The CEO of Occidental Petroleum, Ray Irani made 52.2 million last year and Disney's CEO made 20.8 million in salary, stock and bonuses.
Fun Fact: A surgeon makes about $105.66/hour where a food service employee makes about $8.71/hour.

Its really a world where you need to balance the pros and cons of each profession. A doctor is getting paid for the money and time and effort they put into 5-7+ years in medical school and the malpractice that could result from a lax hand. Food service workers are comprised of drop outs, college kids, people putting themselves through school or those just using it as a segway for a better job.

We need to realize that everyone struggles, even those people making 6 digits a year, just remember...when you're in bed after flipping your burgers and taking out trash, there is a doctor in an ER somewhere waiting for a patient coming in from a shooting, car accident, or worse. But where would we be without food service workers? Where are the people who are hardy workers living day to day to serve you? No where...its a harmony that we need to accept.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Aromatherapy Prompt

I woke up to the smell of eggs frying in a pan. It wafted through the small, dimly lit bedroom and surrounded my head. Lifting one eyelid slowly, I felt around and noticed the other side of the bed empty. Cooking breakfast? I was surprised he’d stayed long enough to say good morning, or even good bye.
I didn’t normally wake up after nights at the club early enough to consider breakfast; let alone anything that wasn’t just coffee or some dry toast. I rolled over on my side and listened to the low hum of the radio in the dining room and the scrape of a spatula on the pan. Tomatoes had been added. Stewed tomatoes, ripe with juice and being cooked slowly in a pot. I could see them in my head, bubbling slightly and pairing perfectly with some toast; the eggs as a companion.
This kind of aroma filling the entire house was just enough to make me shed a tear. My mum used to make breakfasts like this. English breakfasts we’d call them. It was always a Sunday thing and it was something that brought the family together. No one in my family could deny a breakfast fit for a football team.
Rolling back to face the doorway to the room, I contemplated getting up, showering and brushing my teeth. It was the least I could do for the man making me breakfast…which was still something new to me. He stayed. I tried hard to remember his name…Phil? No…it did begin with a ‘p’ though. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear the soft footfalls coming up the hall from the kitchen. A head peaked in through the cracked door and the bouquet of breakfast hit me hard and fast. Another tear leaked out.
“I didn’t know if you’d be awake yet. I cooked you breakfast…I figured it was a good thank you for last night. I had a good time, and I uh…well, I hope you did too.” His accent was thick…Irish? When did I meet an Irish man last night? Either way, each word melted through my head like butter on hot bread. It was a weakness of mine. That must have been why he’d ended up coming home with me. Flirtation will get you anything if you want it bad enough.
“Where did you get eggs from?” Nice one Ginny…that was as far from thank you as one could get. “I mean…thank you…I appreciate it…but where did you get eggs?”
“The market down the street. They had a nice organic selection,” he smiled slightly and winked at me. I felt my face flush and tried to pass it off with a yawn and a stretch.
He walked out of the room and I heard bacon hit the frying pan with a loud, succulent sizzle and he started singing to himself. He was attractive; I looked around the corner again to take him in before I hopped in the shower and washed away the makeup and hairspray. I needed to feel somewhat human for this man. A soft knock on the bathroom door snapped me out of my watery reverie.
“You almost done? I don’t want the food to go cold. I could join you and make it go faster if you’d like,” he chuckled to himself and shut the door, not even allowing me to deny or accept his invitation.
I turned off the hot water and wrapped a towel around my damp torso. Throwing my hair up in a towel I wiped the mirror to check my reflection. Still me, still slightly round faced, plump lips, and startling blue eyes. What was he staying for? I wasn’t anything special. I heard toast popping from the toaster and the exotic chef start whistling a drinking song.
I ventured out into the kitchen and smiled at the table laid out with foods from my past. The smell was clouding my head and tears were blurring my vision.

Aromatherapy: Describe a place by its smell, scent, odor, perfume, or stench. Don't let the olfactory sense overwhelm your description, but use this sense the way it occurs in our everyday experience - as an unconcious trigger of memory. The odor should contain a secret message for one of the characters in the scene. 500 words.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The 1st of many writing exercises!

Prompt: Open an imaginary door, what do you see?

I put my shaky hand on the heavy wooden door. It was decked in etching that looked like sparkles and symbols. Something cryptic was seared into the top beam. It was a language I’d never seen before, something I’d never even dreamed of. Things were immensely blurry and it was hot.

The door had a glow around it. The aura was soft, like the light from a warm and comforting fire. My hand groped it’s way towards the large blackened metal handle. It was warm to the touch, like someone’s hand had just been there, still grasping at a body’s heat.

Sweat beaded on my forehead and my hands were clammy as I gripped the handle tightly. A timid breeze sighed out from under the door way, like something was trying to get out. I looked down and contemplated the breathing sound and the soft light. It reminded me of a heart beat, a living thing.

Something whispered in the back of my mind, telling me to open the door. There was no lock, no chain, nothing holding me or the door back. I grabbed the handle tightly and felt the heat increase. I didn’t care, it was now or never.

To Be Continued…

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I suppose this will just take my mind off of things…and I kind of miss doing these.

001) What time did you start this?: 1:17am
002) Name?: Staci
003) Date of birth?: June 5th, 1987
004) Sex?: Fem-de-la-fem.
005) Height?: 5'6-7'”
006) Eye color?: Blue.
007) Weight?: Of the world? Look to my shoulders.
008) A place i call home?: For the last 11 years, Holden. I find my true home, in my family and friends.
009) Where were you born?: Jacksonville, North Carolina.
012) Do you have crush on someone?: You could call it that.
013) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Umm…I’m not really sure.
015) How long have you been together? If we were together for real…4 months.
016) What are you wearing right now?: Tank top, panties and socks. I know, right?
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: Uh…yeah. Lots.
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? A few.
019) Are you a virgin?: No.
020) Do you smoke?: No.
021) Do you drink?: On occasion.
022) Are you ghetto?: Not in the least.
023) Are you a player?: Never.
024) What are your favorite colors?: Blue, green, black and purple.
025) What is your favorite animal?: Panda!
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: A couple.
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: Nope.
028) Who are your best friends?: Best of the best: Dan Dunn, Lisa, Siobhan, Ben.
029) Have you ever beat someone up? Not with intentions to hurt.
031) Have you ever been slapped?: Once or twice.
032) Do you get online a lot?: Is this the 21st century?
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: It depends, but I tend to veer towards outgoing.
034) Do you shower?: Daily.
035) Do you hate school?: Not in the least.
036) Do you have a social life?: A hectic one, yes.
037) How easily do you trust people? Too easily sometimes.
038) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: Once or twice.
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Definitely.
040) Would you ever sky dive?: Oh yeah.
041) Do you like to dance?: I’ve been known to bust a move.
068) Have you ever been out of state?: Many times.
069) Do you like to travel?: I think it’s my calling.
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: Never.
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Oh yeah…well…if I really had one.
072) Are you spoiled?: A little.
073) Are you a brat?: Not in the least.
074) Have you ever been dumped?: Yes.
076) What's your favorite drink?: I don’t know…depends.
077) Do you like Snapple?: Eh…not really.
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Not as much as I should.
079) What kind of tooth paste do you use?: Colgate.
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: Cell phone…who has pagers any more?
081) Do you have a curfew?: Yes and no…it’s complicated.
082) Who do you look up to?: Depends. I’ve really stopped looking up to people and started to look to them more for guidance and advice.
083) Are you a role model?: no
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: I don’t really have one.
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: Not much. I go on and off it.
087) What do you have piercings? I do.
088) What do you want pierced?: Nipples. Not lying…ha ha.
089) Do you like taking pictures?: I do.
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: Not really…
091) Do you have a tan?: When there’s a good amount of sun and heat.
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: Not really.
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: No.
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: Yes.
095) Do you have your own pool?: Nope.
096) Do you have any siblings?: Younger sister.
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Boxer briefs, or silk boxers.
098) Have you ever been played?: Yes.
099) Have you ever played someone?: Never.
100) Do you get along with your parents?: Exceptionally well.
102) How do you vent your anger?: Venting or getting really quiet.
103) Have you ever run away?: No. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to though.
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: Never.
105) Do you even have a job?: Many.
106) Do you daydream a lot?: All the time.
107) Do you have a lot of ex's?: Not really.
108) Do you run your mouth?: On occasion.
109) What do you want a tattoo of? A bunch.
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: My name in Elvish :p
111) What are your favorite flowers?: Tulips and carnations.
112) What does your ex boyfriend/girlfriend look like?: …next…
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: Himself?
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: Many times.
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Not really recently.
116) Are you rude? I can be, but I try never to be.
117) What was the last compliment you received?: That someone liked my hair.
118) Do you like getting dirty?: Depends.
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie.
120) Are you flexible?: Surprisingly so.
121) What is your heritage?: British, Irish, Norse, etc…basically European.
123) What does your hair look like right now?: Pulled back and messy?
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I was, it sucked.
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: 3 weeks ago.
126) Describe your looks?: Tall, curvy, short hair and great eyes.
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color: Auburn.
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: I kind of am.
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: I prefer to.
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: Really drunk? Halloween.
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: I have no clue.
132)Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: Neither really…that whole situation is iffy with me.
133) Have you ever given? Yes.
134) Have you ever received? Yes.
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder? Sort of.
136) Do you have one now?: No.
137) How many rings until you answer the phone? Depends on who it is.
138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: Yes.
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: I hear I’m a mix.
141) Do you cry a lot?: When stressed, upset or angry.
142) Do you ever cry to get your way? Not ever.
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: My ear.
144) What phrase do you use most on the phone?: Yeah.
145) Are you the romantic type?: I am.
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: Nope.
147) What do you like most about your body?: My eyes.
148) What do you like least about your body?: Most things.
150) When was the last time you threw up?: About a month ago.
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Brunettes.
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: Non-slip black work shoes.
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Not even if I had a sexy one to show.
154) What about cleavage?: Ha, often.
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: None of them.
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: No.
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: Emotionally? Yes.
158) What color are your underwear right now?: Black and White Polka Dots :)
160) What size shoe do you wear?: Between an 8-9.
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: None.
162) What is your screen name on AIM: TastyStacti
163) Would you pick a wedgey in public?: I have.
164) How are you feeling right now?: Extremely tired.
165) When was the last time you were at a party?: I’ve haven’t the slightest.
166) Have you ever given a lap dance?: Ha, maybe. Never professionally :p
167) What do you sleep in?: sweats, Usually a t-shirt and panties.
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Probably.
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Making things always seem personal.
170) What is one of your good qualities? I’m very caring.
171) Would you marry for money?: No, I don’t think so.
172) What do you drive?: Silver Ford Focus named Bella :D
173) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: Mummy.
174) When was the last time you cried in school?: Not that I can remember.
175) Do you wear Chucks?: I have a pair.
176) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy? Yes.
187) What time are you finishing this?: 1:50am

Friday, February 5, 2010

Everyone should have a dozen blue birds…

Does it make me such a bad person because I’m so lost in my own life, all I want to do is to sit in my room, and surround myself with Disney movies and my blankets?

There seems to be so much turmoil in my life right now that’s it making me go stir crazy…which is why I plan to run away to Boston soon.




Sunday, January 24, 2010

At the Crossroads

I don’t know just where I’m going.
And tomorrow, is a little overwhelming.
And the air is cold,
You don’t look the same any more.

I’ve been running in your direction
For too long now, lost my own reflection.
And I can’t look down
If you’re not there to catch me when I fall…

I suppose that the world is turned upside down now. I’m really not sure where to go right now. Trust my heart or my head? I’m not sure if there’s really a good middle ground or if I need to go with one or the other. Dave and I…we’re done. For now. And it hurts. My heart hurts and I can’t stand it. I want to say it’s all going to be ok and take him back with open arms and let him hold me and kiss me and tell me everything’s going to be ok; but I can’t. Not this time.

I want him to be ok. I want him to learn how to deal with his mother’s cancer and her imminent death. I was serious when I told him that I’d never stop loving him. But right now he needs to learn how to stand on his own. He needs a job, a car, his own life for right now. I can’t be the only reason he’s got to wake up in the morning. It’s too much pressure for one person. I love him. I really believe that I do. I just can’t stand getting hurt again like with Brandon. I needed to get away from whatever was scaring him into hurting me. He’d never lay a hand on me and I know that, but tempers like his are scary and hard for just one person to handle on their own.

My mother hates him. My best friend wants nothing to do with him. And he feels like his world is falling apart. I think that’s what he needs to start to rebuild his life and his world. One must hit rock bottom before they can start the accent to the top again. I really hope that he does it all for himself and not to try and win me back. I can’t allow him to only do that for me. I won’t. He needs to learn to stand and stand tall. Death isn’t easy…I can understand that and I want him to realize that it’s part of life. Everyone eventually dies. It’s the time that we have with them that we need to cherish…not their last dying whatever’s (be it days, weeks, years…) but how they lived.

I miss my daddy more and more each day. It seems as he’s there longer, things are getting more dangerous and I still need to be strong for my mum and sister. I have to be the one with the strong face and the even stronger hands to hold them up. I want to be the one to tell them that it’s ok and that he’s going to be alright and that nothing can touch him. But I don’t know that that’s true. I want nothing more than to hug him and just see him out in the backyard getting ready to go out hunting.

I can’t even really begin to talk about work. I hate it the more and more that I’m there and I reach the year point of being out of school. I know I didn’t suffer through 4 years of school in the hell hole that I went to, to stand behind a podium and ask how many people are to be seated. I just can’t do it. No where is hiring and it’s so frustrated to know that I have so many things to be responsible for. Car. Loans. Cell phone. Car Insurance. Just the little things. I can’t keep relying on my mother to be there to help me out at each little bump in the road. For now, I have no other choice. Making $170.00 a week wouldn’t even get me a shitty apartment in Worcester.

I need to run away to Boston one weekend. I want to see Lisa and the guys and just drink myself into some kind of happiness. I know that sounds horrible and it’s something that I shouldn’t do; but I really have no other cards to play. Gran and Grandad leave on Thursday; so I won’t feel so bad leaving to visit some people for a bit.

On the upside, I got a nice haircut?