I suppose this will just take my mind off of things…and I kind of miss doing these.

001) What time did you start this?: 1:17am
002) Name?: Staci
003) Date of birth?: June 5th, 1987
004) Sex?: Fem-de-la-fem.
005) Height?: 5'6-7'”
006) Eye color?: Blue.
007) Weight?: Of the world? Look to my shoulders.
008) A place i call home?: For the last 11 years, Holden. I find my true home, in my family and friends.
009) Where were you born?: Jacksonville, North Carolina.
012) Do you have crush on someone?: You could call it that.
013) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Umm…I’m not really sure.
015) How long have you been together? If we were together for real…4 months.
016) What are you wearing right now?: Tank top, panties and socks. I know, right?
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: Uh…yeah. Lots.
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? A few.
019) Are you a virgin?: No.
020) Do you smoke?: No.
021) Do you drink?: On occasion.
022) Are you ghetto?: Not in the least.
023) Are you a player?: Never.
024) What are your favorite colors?: Blue, green, black and purple.
025) What is your favorite animal?: Panda!
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: A couple.
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: Nope.
028) Who are your best friends?: Best of the best: Dan Dunn, Lisa, Siobhan, Ben.
029) Have you ever beat someone up? Not with intentions to hurt.
031) Have you ever been slapped?: Once or twice.
032) Do you get online a lot?: Is this the 21st century?
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: It depends, but I tend to veer towards outgoing.
034) Do you shower?: Daily.
035) Do you hate school?: Not in the least.
036) Do you have a social life?: A hectic one, yes.
037) How easily do you trust people? Too easily sometimes.
038) Have you ever lied to your best friends?: Once or twice.
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Definitely.
040) Would you ever sky dive?: Oh yeah.
041) Do you like to dance?: I’ve been known to bust a move.
068) Have you ever been out of state?: Many times.
069) Do you like to travel?: I think it’s my calling.
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: Never.
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Oh yeah…well…if I really had one.
072) Are you spoiled?: A little.
073) Are you a brat?: Not in the least.
074) Have you ever been dumped?: Yes.
076) What's your favorite drink?: I don’t know…depends.
077) Do you like Snapple?: Eh…not really.
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Not as much as I should.
079) What kind of tooth paste do you use?: Colgate.
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: Cell phone…who has pagers any more?
081) Do you have a curfew?: Yes and no…it’s complicated.
082) Who do you look up to?: Depends. I’ve really stopped looking up to people and started to look to them more for guidance and advice.
083) Are you a role model?: no
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: I don’t really have one.
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: Not much. I go on and off it.
087) What do you have piercings? I do.
088) What do you want pierced?: Nipples. Not lying…ha ha.
089) Do you like taking pictures?: I do.
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: Not really…
091) Do you have a tan?: When there’s a good amount of sun and heat.
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: Not really.
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: No.
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: Yes.
095) Do you have your own pool?: Nope.
096) Do you have any siblings?: Younger sister.
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Boxer briefs, or silk boxers.
098) Have you ever been played?: Yes.
099) Have you ever played someone?: Never.
100) Do you get along with your parents?: Exceptionally well.
102) How do you vent your anger?: Venting or getting really quiet.
103) Have you ever run away?: No. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to though.
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: Never.
105) Do you even have a job?: Many.
106) Do you daydream a lot?: All the time.
107) Do you have a lot of ex's?: Not really.
108) Do you run your mouth?: On occasion.
109) What do you want a tattoo of? A bunch.
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: My name in Elvish :p
111) What are your favorite flowers?: Tulips and carnations.
112) What does your ex boyfriend/girlfriend look like?: …next…
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: Himself?
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: Many times.
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Not really recently.
116) Are you rude? I can be, but I try never to be.
117) What was the last compliment you received?: That someone liked my hair.
118) Do you like getting dirty?: Depends.
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie.
120) Are you flexible?: Surprisingly so.
121) What is your heritage?: British, Irish, Norse, etc…basically European.
123) What does your hair look like right now?: Pulled back and messy?
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: I was, it sucked.
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: 3 weeks ago.
126) Describe your looks?: Tall, curvy, short hair and great eyes.
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color: Auburn.
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: I kind of am.
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: I prefer to.
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: Really drunk? Halloween.
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: I have no clue.
132)Would you rather give or receive oral sex?: Neither really…that whole situation is iffy with me.
133) Have you ever given? Yes.
134) Have you ever received? Yes.
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder? Sort of.
136) Do you have one now?: No.
137) How many rings until you answer the phone? Depends on who it is.
138) Have you ever been skinny dipping?: Yes.
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: I hear I’m a mix.
141) Do you cry a lot?: When stressed, upset or angry.
142) Do you ever cry to get your way? Not ever.
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: My ear.
144) What phrase do you use most on the phone?: Yeah.
145) Are you the romantic type?: I am.
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: Nope.
147) What do you like most about your body?: My eyes.
148) What do you like least about your body?: Most things.
150) When was the last time you threw up?: About a month ago.
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Brunettes.
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: Non-slip black work shoes.
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Not even if I had a sexy one to show.
154) What about cleavage?: Ha, often.
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: None of them.
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: No.
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: Emotionally? Yes.
158) What color are your underwear right now?: Black and White Polka Dots :)
160) What size shoe do you wear?: Between an 8-9.
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: None.
162) What is your screen name on AIM: TastyStacti
163) Would you pick a wedgey in public?: I have.
164) How are you feeling right now?: Extremely tired.
165) When was the last time you were at a party?: I’ve haven’t the slightest.
166) Have you ever given a lap dance?: Ha, maybe. Never professionally :p
167) What do you sleep in?: sweats, Usually a t-shirt and panties.
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Probably.
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Making things always seem personal.
170) What is one of your good qualities? I’m very caring.
171) Would you marry for money?: No, I don’t think so.
172) What do you drive?: Silver Ford Focus named Bella :D
173) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: Mummy.
174) When was the last time you cried in school?: Not that I can remember.
175) Do you wear Chucks?: I have a pair.
176) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy? Yes.
187) What time are you finishing this?: 1:50am

Everyone should have a dozen blue birds…

Does it make me such a bad person because I’m so lost in my own life, all I want to do is to sit in my room, and surround myself with Disney movies and my blankets?

There seems to be so much turmoil in my life right now that’s it making me go stir crazy…which is why I plan to run away to Boston soon.

 

 

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At the Crossroads

I don’t know just where I’m going.
And tomorrow, is a little overwhelming.
And the air is cold,
You don’t look the same any more.

I’ve been running in your direction
For too long now, lost my own reflection.
And I can’t look down
If you’re not there to catch me when I fall…

I suppose that the world is turned upside down now. I’m really not sure where to go right now. Trust my heart or my head? I’m not sure if there’s really a good middle ground or if I need to go with one or the other. Dave and I…we’re done. For now. And it hurts. My heart hurts and I can’t stand it. I want to say it’s all going to be ok and take him back with open arms and let him hold me and kiss me and tell me everything’s going to be ok; but I can’t. Not this time.

I want him to be ok. I want him to learn how to deal with his mother’s cancer and her imminent death. I was serious when I told him that I’d never stop loving him. But right now he needs to learn how to stand on his own. He needs a job, a car, his own life for right now. I can’t be the only reason he’s got to wake up in the morning. It’s too much pressure for one person. I love him. I really believe that I do. I just can’t stand getting hurt again like with Brandon. I needed to get away from whatever was scaring him into hurting me. He’d never lay a hand on me and I know that, but tempers like his are scary and hard for just one person to handle on their own.

My mother hates him. My best friend wants nothing to do with him. And he feels like his world is falling apart. I think that’s what he needs to start to rebuild his life and his world. One must hit rock bottom before they can start the accent to the top again. I really hope that he does it all for himself and not to try and win me back. I can’t allow him to only do that for me. I won’t. He needs to learn to stand and stand tall. Death isn’t easy…I can understand that and I want him to realize that it’s part of life. Everyone eventually dies. It’s the time that we have with them that we need to cherish…not their last dying whatever’s (be it days, weeks, years…) but how they lived.

I miss my daddy more and more each day. It seems as he’s there longer, things are getting more dangerous and I still need to be strong for my mum and sister. I have to be the one with the strong face and the even stronger hands to hold them up. I want to be the one to tell them that it’s ok and that he’s going to be alright and that nothing can touch him. But I don’t know that that’s true. I want nothing more than to hug him and just see him out in the backyard getting ready to go out hunting.

I can’t even really begin to talk about work. I hate it the more and more that I’m there and I reach the year point of being out of school. I know I didn’t suffer through 4 years of school in the hell hole that I went to, to stand behind a podium and ask how many people are to be seated. I just can’t do it. No where is hiring and it’s so frustrated to know that I have so many things to be responsible for. Car. Loans. Cell phone. Car Insurance. Just the little things. I can’t keep relying on my mother to be there to help me out at each little bump in the road. For now, I have no other choice. Making $170.00 a week wouldn’t even get me a shitty apartment in Worcester.

I need to run away to Boston one weekend. I want to see Lisa and the guys and just drink myself into some kind of happiness. I know that sounds horrible and it’s something that I shouldn’t do; but I really have no other cards to play. Gran and Grandad leave on Thursday; so I won’t feel so bad leaving to visit some people for a bit.

On the upside, I got a nice haircut?

 

 

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I figured out how to add this to my desktop

I guess it’s time for yet another update. Not much of one really, but I just figured out how to add my blog to my small desktop thing. It’s really interesting and it lets me go directly to my blog and update it as much as I want and very easily. It’s almost more easy than going to the direct website.

I had lunch with Fae and Dan today and it was wonderful. I miss them so much. Dan’s house is empty the entire week, so I might go over there and hang out at some point, but probably if Fae is there too.

Working tonight at 5pm. I’m so excited; not. I am running expo though and I’m kind of excited about that. Hopefully it’ll be a red flag to Peter that I AM waitress material and since Apryl’s leaving I should have a shot.

That’s really all there is to update…I need to make sure a bunch of stuff is on my computer this week and find out what I’m doing for New Year’s if anything.

 

 

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Long Update...on my new laptop :)

Wow...it has been forever since I've updated this! I guess I really should start to keep tabs on my oh-so busy life.

Let's see, what's new. Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone. Daddy's in Afghanistan and we miss him terribly. I'm in a relationship with one of the most amazing and wonderful guys I've ever known. I'm still at the 99 and it's not too bad. Gran and Grandad come in about 2 weeks. And Bella (the Focus) got a boo-boo.

Now to devel into each aspect I suppose.

Thanksgiving & Christmas were good. I spent them with Dave at my side and a tear in my eye. I really missed having my dad there; we all did. It was really hard to try and have a great family dinner/holiday with a part of our lives missing. You really don't know what you've got till it's gone. That's for sure. I miss him so much each day, but now with modern technology we can talkt to him almost every day :) It's a wonderful thing. We use skype most of all (I know have that too, user name: staci_graves) and it's just a good time.
Christmas was pretty epic gift wise. I got this brand new laptop (Dell Inspiron), an iTouch (8GB), Snow White on DvD, the Harry Potter movies in a box set (from Dano), some glove and a scarf, covers for my iPod, chocolate and such, a new calender, the Lady GaGa CD, a Barnes & Noble gift card and a beautiful diamond necklace and matching earrings (from my baby). I also got a stuffed panda and a really good book from Dan Dunn. All in all it was a great Christmas. I got to talk to my dad and spend the day with Dave and my family and it was a good time.

Things have been wonderful since Dave came into my life. It's like getting into a warm bed with freshly washed sheets. It's warm, comforting and just down-right awesome. We're going on 2 months now and yet it feels like we've been together for a year or so. I'm just so comfortable with him; but not in the "this is as good as it'll get" sense I had when I was with Brandon. It's better than that. We really care about each other. His situation is hard; and I won't go into it in any detail online; but we make it through and really feel for each other. I am pretty much content with that situation right now.

The 99 basically steals my soul each and everytime I go to work there. But it is a good bunch of people and a good place to work. I could have it A LOT worse and work somewhere worse, no where for that matter.

Dano's in the culinary arts program at Salter now and I'm so proud of her. She's bored right now since it's a math and college survival skills class, but she'll get through it and it'll help her in the long run I think. I got her a recipe book for all her stuff for Christmas and I think she really likes it. (or at least that's what she told me).

Mum is getting along pretty good with Daddy being gone. She still has her moments, we all do, me most of all actually, but she's doing really well. She goes to dance, hangs out with people here and there and has us to help her too. She talks to Daddy at least once a day on Skype and it's really the highlight of her day.

Now we wait for Gran and Grandad to get here. They're supposed to fly in the 7th of January, but Grandad had some bleeding in his eye and we're not sure if they're coming on that day still or a little later. I just really can't wait for them to get here. It'll make time go by so much faster.

It's time to go watch/help mum play Mario for the Wii and try to convince her to get Chinese food for dinner tonight :)



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MEMO

This is definitely a personal memo to post a VERY long and VERY angry post soon.



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Let Me Sing

I just need to sing my lungs out. Til I'm hoarse. Til I can't sing any more. Maybe it'll make these dark clouds go away.