Night Terrors

Night Terrors

-Prologue-

I tripped over a cup of punch and watched the red wave flow over the beer stained floor. Couples were smoking a bowl in the corner to my right. I found it stupid, the whole party was.
“Jilly Bean! There you are! I’m so glad you’re here,” she ran up to me.
Alice was the reason I’d even shown up. She was a great friend, but a little too social for me. She was in full show tonight. Low cut top, push up bra, tight jeans and heels too high for her. She looked 5 years too old and far too easy. She was a head turner and she enjoyed it.
“You want a drink Jilly?”
“Uh, no…thanks though. I need to drive home.”
“Oh come on Jilly Bean! You’re no fun! Have one drink with me, please?”
“Alright…I’ll have one cup of punch,” I rolled my eyes.
She jumped up and down and ran to the make shift bar at the other end of the living room. She tipped a cup into a huge bowl and poured it into the cup in her hand. She took two shots on her way back and winked at the guy handing them out. Always the flirt, always one to get all the looks.
Alice threw her arms around my neck and told me she loved me. I took the cup from her hand and placed it on the table next to us. I didn’t want to be covered in punch and get in trouble for smelling like the party.
“Alice, I love you too…just watch yourself. You’re going to get punch all over us!” I grabbed her shoulders and shook her a little. She smiled and kissed my cheek.
Alice was drunk; there was no two ways about it. Her boyfriend was no where in sight either. “Figures,” I said to myself. “Flighty as usual.”
Jeff always seemed to step out of the picture at the last second and never show his face till the dust had settled. He usually claimed he was there the whole time and then tried using his suave persona to get himself out of trouble.
I took Alice to a couch near by and scared off some stoned freshman and let her lay down. She asked for her drink, and I knew she didn’t need more. I took the half empty cup she’d set down and drank the rest, not wanting her to get alcohol poisoning.
“Here you go hun,” I said handing her the empty cup.
“Empty…” she sighed and pouted, showing her disappointment.
“I’m going to find us some water, ok?” I stood up and started towards the kitchen.
I reached the dingy, closet sized kitchen and found a fridge. Nothing but more beer packed into every nook and cranny. I also noticed that the beer cans were moving, not because people were taking them, but because they just were. I stuck my hand out and it went right through them. I shook my head and shut the door quickly. It must have been the lighting messing with my vision. I stood up straight and made my way back to the sofa where Alice was.
When I got there, Alice was sleeping and people were talking about how they could fuck with her, since her shoes were still on. I pushed my way through and blocked Alice from the torment that would come of drunk, careless assholes at a stupid party.
“Leave her alone,” I said. Loud. I didn’t usually yell.
Most people left and it was just Alice and I in the small room. I knelt on the floor my jeans growing cold from something damp on the wooden floors. I didn’t bother to look; I just wanted to get Alice and myself out of there, before she really passed out and couldn’t move. “Come on Alice. You need to get up. I’m going to call Phil and have him come and get us,” I grabbed her hand, but it didn’t grip mine.
“Alice please, we need to go,” I took out my cell phone and dialed Alice’s brother’s number. I continued to poke and prod Alice, trying to get her to move. I wouldn’t be able to carry her to the door myself.
“Jill? Hello? You there?”
“Oh, sorry Phil! Yeah, I’m here. You think you could come and pick Alice and I up from the party on Barnes? Alice is being stubborn and won’t get up,” I noticed there was a panicked sound to my voice. Very unlike me.
“Everything ok? You sound worried?”
“Alice is passed out and won’t wake up. My head’s starting to hurt a lot too…I just want to get us both home and out of here,” I was starting to sound hysteric.
“Ok, I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Just stay where you are alright? Don’t move,” he hung up the phone before I said good bye. I didn’t even remember closing the phone.
I looked down at Alice and pushed her hair out of her face, and noticed that no breath was coming from her nose or her open mouth. The light in the house was dim, and it was loud, but her chest wasn’t moving and I could make out a thin film of mucus and vomit on her lips. I stooped down, and everything felt surreal.
I couldn’t hear the party any more and I could barely see Alice’s face. All there was was the taste of salt in my mouth from phantom tears and the throbbing of my head behind my eyes.
I looked around and no one was paying attention. The entire party was continuing on around a dying girl. The world played out the way I’d always viewed it; dumb and uncaring about anything but itself; I suppose I shouldn’t have expected anything more. I put my hand on Alice’s face and it was cold…there was no life in her and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I knew my mouth was open and I was screaming for help.
No one stopped.
No one listened.
3 months later…
I pulled on my jacket and shoved my feet into my boots. Today was the one day I had been dreading for 2 ½ months; school. I’d been allowed to shelter myself under my covers for the last couple of months. My mother had figured that it had been enough that I’d seen my best friend die right in front of me. Letting me choose to withdraw myself from school for mental reasons was ok.
I’d formed a mental shell since Alice’s death. It wasn’t like I didn’t miss her, I was just empty. I had let her stay at that party too long; and I hadn’t known what to do when she’d stopped breathing. Her family didn’t blame me, but I could see the resentment in their faces. Their only child taken away by one drug laced cup of punch. It was too much to stomach, and I hated myself for it.
“Mom, where are my keys? I don’t remember where I put them,” I slumped into a chair at the kitchen table and put my head down with a loud thud.
“They’re in the basket Jilly, you sure you don’t want me to drive you to school?”
“No, I’ll be able to make a faster escape at the end of the day if I don’t have to wait for you to pick me up,” I took some ibuprofen and downed a glass of milk with it.
“Well ok then. Keep your chin up Jilly. You know who you are, just remember it,” she patted the back of my head and kissed it.
“I know mom, I just need to believe it. I’ll see you around 2,” I grabbed the keys from the basket on the counter and made my way out to the garage.
I pulled out of the driveway and saw Mr. Cameron raking his front lawn. He saw my car and waved a little and I sped up. I couldn’t face Alice’s family yet. They’d called so many times to talk and asked me over to see how I was. I knew I was being a coward, but I just couldn’t deal with seeing their faces, there were too many memories of Alice there.
As I drove to school, I had flashes of the last couple of months. Everything was a blur, like walking through a fog. I remember crying over a hospital bed, wearing nothing but black for a week, faking a smile at her wake and playing the void at her funeral. I was empty from that point on. Life really didn’t have any kind of meaning to it. I’d watched my best friend die and I’d failed to stop it.
A honking brought me back to reality and I’d noticed I’d been sitting at a waiting green light at the intersection of Chandler and Park. I drove on and pulled over into a gas station and parked my car in the lot. I leaned over my steering wheel and started crying. I couldn’t face an entire school of people who didn’t know the whole story.
Being a social outcast didn’t make me the class favorite and I wasn’t necessarily the bubbliest of people. I’d never really fit in anywhere, until Alice and I became friends our sophomore year in biology class. She was nice and very friendly. We hit it off right away. She would make fun of me for sitting alone at lunch and never joining a single club.
Alice was the middle of most social circles and loved to be the center of attention. She had a new boyfriend each month and was apart of at least 13 clubs at school. She was smart too; something that I figured was a little overkill for someone good looking, popular and friendly. Alice was a piece of work and I loved her for it.
I decided that I’d just skip school again today. I just couldn’t do it yet. I put the radio on the country station. A song that Alice and I used to sing came on and I couldn’t turn it over…it made me smile. I hadn’t done that in a while. I sang along with the lyrics I knew by heart. “But how do you wait for heaven? And who has that much time…” my voice trailed off as a new wave of tears flowed freely from my eyes and my body shuddered. It had been the song I’d chosen for Alice’s funeral, from me to her as one last song together before she went to wherever she was heading to. I knew it was an insult to Alice’s memory to continue to hide from the world, but it was just so hard for me to cope with out her there.
I decided to head over to the park down the street from my house. It was another hang out of Alice’s and mine. We’d go there after school when Alice didn’t have club meetings or cheerleading practice. We’d swing on the swings and talk about the universe. The world always seemed to unfold to the curious when swinging. We had met there the night before the party. It was the last time I’d see Alice the way I liked to remember her. She was nervous about Jeff, her new boyfriend…the prick hadn’t even shown up to her funeral.
I picked a swing shaded by the huge oak that was planted next to the set. I let my feet drag along in the sand and watched a mother pushing her small daughter in one of the baby swings at the other end of the bar. She smiled at me and I plastered on a smile to be polite. That’s all I did now a day. I put on a façade to be nice and make people feel less uncomfortable around me.
I riffled through my bag and felt the cylindrical shape of a pill bottle. Pulling out the tiny orange container I shook the contents. I watched as the baby on the opposite end of the swings cooed and giggled at the sound. If only it were a laughing matter. I’d been prescribed these bullshit pills about 2 weeks after Alice’s funeral. I was told to take two a day…one in the morning and one at night, or as needed. I stopped taking them 3 days after getting them.
I was depressed, desolate of any emotion since Alice was gone, but I wasn’t going to kill myself. I knew that wouldn’t solve anything, but make more grief for my mother and Alice’s family. I’d already caused them enough sorrow; I didn’t need to add another teenager’s headstone to the town cemetery or create be the subject of more tears. I gripped the bottle tightly and started to walk over to the small river that ran through the park.
Everywhere I looked today, I expected to see Alice pop up out of no where and yell at me for skipping school. She would have hated to know that I had missed almost 2 ½ months of class. She would be appalled and rag on me that I wouldn’t get into the Art Institute. My current portfolio mirrored my depression and my longing for my friend.
Every painting, drawing and sketch had to do with Alice. They were all a product of my night terrors. I would relive the night of the party and Alice’s cold, lifeless face and I’d wake up screaming. I would continue to have these horrors haunt my sleep, unless I was drugged to the point of a medical coma. It was only in these drug induced states that I could actual sleep. I suffered since Alice’s death and I was still on the medication.
I moved down the steep bank of the river towards the water. It was choppy today, probably due to the wind. I sat down and trailed my fingers through the swift current. I looked into the grey depths, wishing I could lose myself in them. I closed my eyes and lay back on the grass. It was no use; I wasn’t strong enough without Alice. Life was just too pointless and empty.
I allowed my throbbing head to slip into darkness. I could feel the chill of the wind blow over the water and sweep over my face. It was frigid and I put my arms over my eyes and gave over all control to my mind. Alice’s face faded into focus in my head. She was smiling and beckoning me towards her. I could feel the tears falling down my face as I followed her.
She was floating away and I tried yelling out to her, but couldn’t create any sound. My legs were lead weights and Alice was just moving farther and father away. Her face became scared and pained. Her long hair flowed out from her temples, like she was floating on water, drifting out to sea.
“Jillian, why didn’t you help me? Didn’t you love me? Why didn’t you stop me before it was too late?” her voice was ghostly and distant.
I mouthed my response; I didn’t leave her there to die, and I didn’t know what had happened. I tried to do everything I could. I loved her more than life. No words came to my throat. Alice’s arms stretched out to embrace me and I urged my heavy body forward and got in reach of her pale fingers. Her hands closed around my throat and the pressure was excruciating.
Breathing was no option, I couldn’t loosen her grip on my neck and she was crying. Her face was a myriad of emotions; pain, sorrow, disappointment, betrayal. Her face was the stuff of my dreams, manifested into a single nightmare that was slowly killing me. I tried to scream out and to grab at her murderous hands, but it was to no avail. She was going to kill me, and I should welcome it with open arms.
I felt heavy hands on my shoulders and a sharp tug that pried me from Alice’s cold death grip. She wailed and started to dissipate. I reached out towards her, not wanting her to leave again. I struggled against the force pulling me back. I screamed and I noticed I had found my voice again and the chill on my face was intensified by the sheen of sweat on my forehead.
I looked up to see the young mother from before, leaning over and touching my face. She looked worried and afraid that I’d been having a fit or something. Her cell phone was in her hands and she looked at me again cautiously before speaking.
“Are you alright dear? You were screaming and shaking and it was really hard to wake you up. I thought you were having a seizure. Do you need me to call an ambulance or someone to come and get you?” She looked genuinely afraid for my safety.
“No I’m fine, I’m really sorry. I just fell asleep and had a bad dream. I’m sorry I worried you,” I looked at her little girl. She was bright-eyed and curious. She reached out to me and grabbed at the air in front of me. Her mother smiled and extended her out towards me.
“She seems to like you. Would you like to hold her?”
“Sure…she’s beautiful. What’s her name?” I took her in my arms gently.
“Alice. She’s the light of my life. I love her more than words can say,” the mother beamed and started to glow softly in the face of her child.
“Alice? My best friend’s name was Alice. She was like your little girl; very friendly, beautiful, full of life. You’re really lucky this little one is like that. She’ll grow up to be a good person I’m sure,” I started to mist up and held the baby closer to my chest.
“She really does like you. She really doesn’t take to new people often. You’re a chosen one, that’s for sure,” she smiled again and then looked worried again. “Are you alright? You’re crying.”
“Am I?” I swiped the back of my hand across my face and noticed the moisture streaming from my eyes. I couldn’t control it and I hugged the little Alice tighter. She grabbed a tiny handful of my jacket and snuggled her head deeper into its folds and simply radiated love.
“She’s so precious. My friend Alice, she died a few months ago. I thought my world was going to end without her. Everything just seems pointless and hollow. I was supposed to go back to school today, and I just couldn’t bring myself to face the world without her. She was so essential to my life that it just seemed useless to continue on…” I let my voice fade away, not wanting to wake up the baby.
“My mother died about 5 months ago. She was a wonderful woman and one of my best friends. She taught me that a life that is celebrated is a life that will live on even after its left the vessel that housed it. She died before Alice here was born. I do believe in fate, and celebrating life. My mother was right. Alice has given me a reason to be a good person and a loving mother,” she smiled warmly at me.
“I guess you’re right. Things are just so dark and I feel so deeply lost. I guess I’m just not ready yet,” I sighed and my head dropped.
“Only when you allow yourself to be alright will it start to feel that way. Just remember that your friend wouldn’t want you to live like this, so do her memory a favor and get back into life. Open heart, open arms, open minded. You’ll really be able to celebrate her then,” she placed her hand on the back of the little head rested against my chest.
“Here you go, she’s probably tired enough that she won’t wake up,” I handed her Alice back and smiled at the little bundle. “She’s really a wonderful little girl. You’re so lucky.”
“I know…I can’t imagine life without her. Remember what I said. It’ll help, I promise,” she gathered up Alice and placed her in her stroller. She gave me a little one-armed hug and started off on the path towards the parking lot. She was optimistic in light of such a devastating loss. She was inspiring.
I looked back at the water, and noticed the sunlight hitting it differently. It was no longer grey, but blue-green, like sea glass. You could see the sandy bottom and the life littered edges of the river. It was full of life. A life that continued on with the cycle the entire world was forced into for all of its existence.
I took out the pill bottle again, and popped open the top. I stood up and let the wind ruffle through my hair. I knew that I wasn’t alone and that life would go on. I would miss Alice, but I needed to keep her alive for the person she’d been and not for the way she died.
I took the open container and emptied its contents into the swift river. The little white specks drifted off downstream and they were gone. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy and I knew that I would have to struggle every day to gain the ground I’d had when Alice was alive; but it’d be worth it to help her live on.
I made my way back to my car and stopped to close my eyes one last time at the swing set. I placed my hand on the poles stabilizing the swings in the ground. This would always hold memories of Alice and our friendship. I could always remember her here. It was perfect and I didn’t have to be afraid of sleeping any more. The night terrors would be gone, and in their place would be timid and loving memories of a girl who lived life and loved those in it. “Good bye Alice,” I walked to my car and took out my cell phone. I hit the 4th number on the speed dial and a picture of Alice and her dog making ridiculous faces popped up as the number dialed. I figured I’d stop by the flower shop on the way over to the Cameron’s. Alice always loved tulips and it was springtime; the perfect time for rebirth; a fresh start.